The Times and Life FM have interviewed Boris on “all things that matter to you”. In part 1 of the interview, crime, and knife crime in particular, was focussed on.
A solemn Boris immediately stressed the importance of the controversial scanners, but was more keen to discuss methods for ending adolescent nihilism. Youths, he claimed, are frustrated by “not making the grade academically“. This is curious, as such an idea would surely lead one to wonder “why are they not making the grade academically?” Boris, however, moved onto plans, which were “not just [involved with] boxing academies” but included ideas concerning reading groups and vegetable gardens.
Displaying admirable enthusiasm, Boris then declared that there will be “no playing fields lost“. The interviewer slyly referenced a threatened sports field, and Boris hurriedly decided that he was, in fact, “generally opposed to the loss of playing fields“, before promising to consider the issue.
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[...] the document” but was sure that it was “not central to the issue“. Later, after another mid-interview epiphany, he decided that “I rather doubt that it exists”. It is here for [...]