Boris Watch

An attempt to enhance the accountability of the new London mayoralty

Boris Watch header image 2

The Mysterious Incident Of The Mayor And His Cigar Case

June 24th, 2008 by BenSix

A police probe has forced Boris to hand over a cigar case that he ‘trousered‘ in Tariq Aziz’s home. Police have stated that they will hold the item “while further enquiries are made”.

For tomorrow’s Daily Telegraph, the Mayor wonders “can it be right that police time is allowed to be wasted in this way?” Can this be the same Mayor who emphatically declared that he would “drive out so-called minor crime”?

Rather deliciously, Boris also writes  that:

“I am informed by my friends in the Metropolitan Police that I am shortly to become the one and only Western politician to be brought to justice for crimes committed in Iraq.”

Tags: 9 Comments

Leave A Comment

9 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Malcolm Redfellow Jun 24, 2008 at 4:52 pm

    Crimes against the English language apart, Blasted Boris is an expert on matters criminal.

    At New Year 2007 he was pronouncing it was necessary to “garotte the Game Boy and paralyse the PlayStation” for causing illiteracy.

    His “Daily Telegraph” article pontificated:
    “Millions of seven to 15 year olds are hooked, especially boys, and it is time someone had the guts to stand up, cross the room and just say no to Nintendo.

    “It is about time, as a society, that we admitted the catastrophic effect these blasted gizmos are having on the literacy and the prospects of young males.”

    Appropriation of the loose property of others is, obviously, a far more trivial matter.

    Then there is the recruitment of Inhouse PR, formerly PR advisors to said Boris, to provide media and communication guidance to Diddy Dave Cameron. It seems that the main areas of input will range from gun and knife crime, to mental health [sic] and the criminal justice system [again, sic].

  • 2 BenSix Jun 24, 2008 at 4:55 pm

    Malcom,
    Yes, and last week he blamed the ‘blasted gizmos’ for influencing rates of knife crime as well:
    http://www.boriswatch.co.uk/2008/06/22/state-of-london-debate/

  • 3 Bobby D Jun 24, 2008 at 5:05 pm

    So Mr Johnson not only voted for the invasion of Iraq, he also went there and took part in the post-invasion looting?

    Any spare cells in Abu Ghraib?

  • 4 pastyface Jun 24, 2008 at 6:02 pm

    bang him up

  • 5 BenSix Jun 24, 2008 at 6:11 pm

    Quoth David Cameron,”he committed a ‘lapse of judgment’. In politics you have to face the consequences for that”.

  • 6 BenSix Jun 24, 2008 at 6:26 pm

    Not that the ‘consequences’ should necessarily reflect the above speculations ;).

  • 7 Alex Jun 25, 2008 at 2:38 pm

    I know, he’s got the WMDs….

  • 8 Chunters Jun 27, 2008 at 4:04 pm

    What with all the unsolved crime, knifings and muggings that go on unhindered in this city, do we not think that this a complete waste of police time?

  • 9 BenSix Jun 27, 2008 at 4:17 pm

    Well, there has been widespread looting throughout Iraq, so it shouldn’t come as a surprise that the Metropolitan Police would be nervous about a figure of authority openly flaunting ‘the goods’. Boris claims that he “a letter from the lawyers of Tariq Aziz, informing me that Mr. Aziz wishes me to regard the cigar case as a gift”, so I presume that little will come of it.