Boris Watch

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Bendy Jihad – Boris Beats Himself Up, Claims Victory

October 21st, 2008 by Tom

“We should on day one, act one, scene one, hold a competition to get rid of the bendy bus. They wipe out cyclists, there are many cyclists killed every year by them.”

If you have a mouthful of tea, like I just did, prepare to swallow it or risk an unfortunate monitor/tea interface.  Boris has clearly decided that he’s had enough of reality and what London really needs is for the Mayor to impersonate the Black Knight from the film Monty Python and the Holy Grail.  Let’s remind ourselves of this classic clash between bloody reality and ego-driven fantasy:

Arthur: I have no quarrel with you, good Sir Knight, but I must cross this bridge.
Black Knight: Then you shall die.
Arthur: I command you as King of the Britons to stand aside!
Black Knight: I move for no man.
Arthur: So be it!

Arthur cuts off the Black Knight’s left arm.

Arthur: Now stand aside, worthy adversary.
Black Knight: ‘Tis but a scratch.
Arthur: A scratch? Your arm’s off!
Black Knight: No, it isn’t.
Arthur: Well, what’s that then?
Black Knight: I’ve had worse.
Arthur: You liar!
Black Knight: Come on you pansy!

Arthur cuts off the Black Knight’s right arm.
Arthur: Victory is mine! We thank thee Lord, that in thy mercy…

Black Knight: Come on then.
Arthur: What?
Black Knight: Have at you!
Arthur: You are indeed brave, Sir Knight, but the fight is mine.
Black Knight: Oh, had enough, eh?
Arthur: Look, you stupid bastard, you’ve got no arms left.
Black Knight: Yes I have.
Arthur: Look!
Black Knight: Just a flesh wound.
Arthur: Look, stop that.
Black Knight: Chicken! Chicken!
Arthur: Look, I’ll have your leg. Right!

Arthur cuts off the Black Knight’s leg.
Black Knight: Right, I’ll do you for that!
Arthur: You’ll what?
Black Knight: Come ‘ere!
Arthur: What are you going to do, bleed on me?
Black Knight: I’m invincible!
Arthur: You’re a loony.
Black Knight: The Black Knight always triumphs! Have at you! Come on then.

Arthur cuts off the Black Knight’s other leg.
Black Knight: All right; we’ll call it a draw.
Arthur: Come, Patsy.
Black Knight: Oh, oh, I see, running away then. You yellow bastard! Come back here and take what’s coming to you. I’ll bite your legs off!

This idle thought was prompted by Adam at Tory Troll, who has been reading the written Mayoral answers, apparently those sent out to AMs rather than those on the website, which doesn’t seem to be fully updated yet.  In short, there have been no cyclist fatalities from bendy buses and four incidents involving hospital treatment since the buses were introduced in 2002.  In a minute I’m going to search for all those hysterical bendy hating ultras who’ve told us about how dangerous these buses are, and laugh and laugh and laugh.  I think I’ll start with Gilligoon.

Boris, now apparently trying to pull the gum tree up by the roots while sitting in it, falls back on the ‘perception’ argument as deployed when it’s pointed out that crime is falling on the transport network.

The perception of safety is an important element in whether people decide to cycle or not.

Rubbish – if people’s perception of safety is based on the incorrect data you’ve allowed into the public domain from your campaign and friends in the press, you, Boris, have a moral duty to counteract this.  You got the job, now you have to accept the responsibility.  I have some suggestions for useful next steps:

  • Perhaps he would like to consider why, if bendies put off cyclists, bendy bus use and cycling rose together over the same time period?  Cycle use has seen a 91% rise since 2000, in fact, according to TfL figures from June.
  • Perhaps he would like to consider the part bad/motorist-friendly road design (such as the Parliament Square and Elephant & Castle roundabouts Kulveer Ranger is so fond of) play in people choosing to cycle or otherwise?
  • Perhaps he would care to note that not every road in London has a bendy bus going down it by any stretch, so the part they play in deterring cyclists is by definition constrained?
  • Perhaps he’d like to talk to London’s cycling groups, or even better, listen to them?
  • Perhaps he’d like to commission some analysis of what is really dangerous to cyclists?  Clue – the letters ‘H’, ‘G’ and ‘V’ feature in the answer.  Even the Standard worked this out.
  • Perhaps he’d like to consider not listening to clueless morons like Gilligan?

Tags: 11 Comments

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11 responses so far ↓

  • 1 prj45 Oct 21, 2008 at 12:57 pm

    So Boris is going to reintroduce a vehicle that hundreds of people were injured on by falling off the back, replacing one that has had very few injuries or deaths surrounding it.

    What a fool.

  • 2 Tom Oct 21, 2008 at 1:01 pm

    Moreover, at an initial cost of £12m a year, which would pay for the Parliament Square improvement in 18 months and result in an actual improvement for London’s cyclists.

  • 3 Helen Oct 21, 2008 at 2:30 pm

    Boris enrages Sebastian Faulks: http://www.thisislondon.co.uk/standard/article-23575592-details/My+battle+for+Ladbroke+Grove/article.do

  • 4 AdamB Oct 21, 2008 at 2:32 pm

    Boris not replying to letters seems to be becoming a running theme. Doesn’t he have someone to do that for him?

  • [...] Bo D’Or for the image, analysis from Tory Troll and Boris Watch. [...]

  • 6 Guano Oct 22, 2008 at 9:25 am

    But where is the evidence that cyclists perceive bendy buses as being particularly dangerous? A recent letter I received from London Cycling Campaign says that they are campaigning for better mirrors on HGVs and against motorcycles in bus lanes but does not mention bendy buses.

  • 7 Tom Oct 22, 2008 at 10:05 am

    Exactly, I’ve been reading the LCC, and they’re far more worried about bad road design and HGVs. The two big things to come out about bendies in the last month have been that the passengers don’t dislike them enough to complain to London Travelwatch and that they don’t squish cyclists, which rubs out two key myths of the bendy jihad – note how ‘London’s unpopular bendy bus’ is a meme that goes unchallenged virtually everywhere in the MSM despite us now knowing it had no basis in fact – that’s the hallmark of a good propaganda exercise.

    I’m willing to accept that some cyclists find overtaking them worrying, but that’s due to length, and there won’t be any less length of bus under TfL’s debendification plans, as we’ve seen. It’s always better to separate cyclists from traffic as far as possible, but this involves taking road space away from Kulveer Ranger’s precious motorists.

  • 8 DKE « Alternate Seat of TYR Oct 25, 2008 at 4:00 pm

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  • 11 Cameron Kills Boris Airport Jan 23, 2010 at 12:22 am

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